I tell you, doing creative things when you're at your lowest mental ebb is a fascinating exercise. There's this constant play between wondering whether what you're doing stinks because other things are depressing you or because they're actually terrible. I genuinely have no idea which is true. All I know is that for the last two or three days I've been collecting anything that can be used for my forthcoming idea and trying to organise it. The main thing I've noticed? By taking an idea I'm not precious about, much like I was with "The Bombardier's Eyes", I'm willing to play about and experiment with style a bit more. I have no idea how this is going to play out, but as I'm aiming for approximately daily updates which i can amass in advance (about three weeks must be sorted before I start posting it) I'm trying new approaches for each possible episode. Some will work and some won't. It's fascinating to see how much I'm leaning to some styles over others though. I'm intrigued to see how this will play out.
The other thing low self esteem is showing me is that when I found all the notes for this story in my old work book - written in another bad patch - I'm surprisingly impressed by bits of it, whilst also a lot easier on the things that don't work. My problem is always going to be closeness to whatever I'm working on. When I'm close to it, then I can't see it at all objectively. Once I keep telling myself this repeatedly, maybe one day I'll actually believe it?